Friday, 15 May 2015


I wrote this last night, because I've felt really emotional lately, and this is what I wrote;

"When the time comes for me to leave where I am now, I know it'll be heartbreaking. I'll feel lost. Again. 
Yet another deep end, and it'll be lonely. Hell, it'll hurt again. I'll say goodbye to even more friends, and it'll be time to make more.

The truth is, I'm happy-sad. Like the book that was read to me as a child about a washed up mermaid, who makes friends with two siblings and their parents whilst she is happy in the paddling pool they constructed for her in their garden, whilst she loves how considerate they were for winning her a goldfish in a fete, and pouring salt and seaweed into the paddling pool, she is always happy-sad. She misses the way the ocean embraces her, how her home sounds, and she misses her own parents. She is taken home by the siblings, whereby the goodbye is painful, but they all know that she has to go where she belongs.

And for me? I am, and shall be, "happy-sad". I don't want this all to end, I don't want that to happen. I know in my heart, I have to go and learn the lessons that university has to offer. Don't misunderstand me, I am excited, but my heart feels torn.

Disney - Enchanted.
I don't want everything to end. I just hope and pray it doesn't. It's not the world coming to an end, but sometimes, sometimes it feels like it. I'm excited to be going somewhere new, and to meet new people, and to study what I'm passionate about. But I'm a bit of a worrier. It's something I am.

And it's strange, but I keep having premonitions. I don't want to discuss them, because I don't want to 'jinx' it or anything, but I do, and whilst at first, I found it weird, now I just feel grateful for them. They're not often, but occasional. 

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