Monday, 27 April 2015


"Blank stares at, blank pages."

This song, has long been an enjoyable song, I think it was one of the first songs that I ever got on my first iPod, which was the blue iPod mini because I was awesome. (It's lyrics are the first half of the title too)

Love Song - Sara Bareilles.

I just love the meaning behind it, and it sort of represents me, and dayum my zodiac represents me too. 

"Capricorn: They will be very hot and cold. One day, they can be outrageous and flirty and coy, but you can bet your life that they will go home and overthink it and the next day they will give their utmost effort to avoid you or seem indifferent towards you. This is because Capricorns have a superiority complex, and sometimes a crush makes them feel weak; they are afraid of getting hurt so they will never act too smitten for too long. This is why most Capricorns will not admit to their feelings until they are secure in the fact that you feel the same way. A Capricorn will also try to help you and give you advice, not because they think you are wrong or in need of actual help, but because they care about your well being and want you to live the best life you can. They will try to impress you with their unique talents or philosophies. They can be very coy and charming. Intense eye contact (they honestly believe they can seduce you with their eyes). They are chivalrous regardless of gender; they love holding doors for their crush (like literally all of them do this). Side note: they will never forget a single thing you say or do. Ever."

That be true ^^.

I'm going to get on with some revision tonight after a nice long, soothing shower. I have been filming 2 YouTube videos since I got home this afternoon (I had to pop into town to pick up some things first) but then I got home and filmed these two videos I mentioned, and one is now rendering to my YouTube channel, I'll leave a photo link to it when it's rendered, but it needs to be left alone to render right now.

Anyway, I just wanted to stop by, let you know that was happening, and that today was a good day. Hopefully yours has been too.
I had the most amazing, bizarre, and frankly intricate dream last night, so I woke up feeling really cheerful. Don't worry, I won't leave you hanging, I will tell you what happened. And yes, I think I need a psychiatrist after this. If anyone knows what dreams mean, please tell me because this was insane!

For some reason, a group of biker men, who must have been about 60 and pretty evil broke into my house in the middle of the night, and I didn't realise until I went downstairs after hearing noises in the kitchen, got there to find the front door wide open, and some sort of red thing/wire hooked under the door (which in real life is in no way possible) and the door wide open in the middle of the night. I shut the door again, and relocked and went back to bed. The next morning, I went downstairs to find the same thing had happened again. I saw the keys in a bowl on the table near the door, I yelled out to mum upstairs, "why the heck did you leave them there?!" and then proceeded to hear noises in the living room, so I crept into the hall and called as quietly, but as deliberately as possible to mum "Mum they're still in the house! They're in the living room!" and suddenly a bawdy looking 60 year old biker comes out of my living room right up to me and shoves me aside to which I yell "What are you doing in my house??!" He just brushes me aside and walks outside. Another bawdy guy, who I quickly figured was the boss guy walks out of the living room behind him. Clearly they were looking for something, which at this point I had no idea what. I can't remember what the boss said to me, but something to do with "handing it over." 

I get outside, where there is a telescope pointing at the sky. I ask the bawdy guy what he wants and why he is here. I'm preceded to be told that he is here because it's the optimal position for "the sky alignment" of three stars, of which I then see perfectly aligned in my dream (this is definitely because I was looking at Zodiac star necklaces online last night!) I then realise that this man is looking for an 'equilibrium' or as my messed up sleep brain called it an 'equiligraph' that he needs to take over the world, otherwise the world will end. My mum can't see these men when she comes outside as they are apparently cats to her, as they have a a weird form or something. Our family friend Tim is over and he can see the cats too. (WEIRD OR WHAT) So I text my neighbour to tell her the world is ending, to which she is annoyed because she is trying to sell her brown leather sofa (I know I majorly creeped out at that, I mean she doesn't even have a brown leather sofa) the guy somehow still needs this  "powerful item" but he has gone away in a car. 

I run to go to my neighbour to tell her the world isn't going to end, and encounter a girl (who I've never met or seen before in real life) who is talking to me about it with concern, and she pulls a silver round coin out of her pocket (this came from watching a Pewdiepie video, where he had a Swedish silver coin in a video and I looked closely at it last night wondering what it was) and she goes on about this coin in the dream. I suddenly realise this is the official 'equiligraph' the guy needs to get the infinite item that controls time, and will allow him to rule the world. I run to tell Val, and trip and fall on my face in the road, whereby I blackout temporarily and Val sees me (Val is my neighbour and I've been seriously careful not to trip over today!)

And anyway, I become conscious again to see the guys in the car aaaaanddddd..... MY MUM WOKE ME UP.

Yup ladies and gentlemen, that intricate dream was destroyed at precisely 6.00am this morning by my mum telling me to move my clean washing off the kitchen table.

So yes, sad, but true. I quickly realised this morning when analysing my dream in the shower, that it closely resembles Tomb Raider I film, whereby the bad guy has a triangle that when used can change time, and he plans to use it to rule the world, but why was my guy a 60 year old biker with a bandana and everything? Eeek what a weird dream.

Hope you enjoyed a sneak peak into my weird mind,

LATE EDIT: This song is something that I always think relates to my grandma and I. We were more than grandmother and granddaughter. We were friends, and I trusted her more than so many people. And that's hard for me, because I've had my trust broken so many times, but if you earn my trust, I promise I'll always be faithful, and true, and loving. That's just something you get when you earn my love and my trust.

See You Again - Wiz Khalifa.

post signature

Wednesday, 22 April 2015

Dear Best Friend.

Dear Courtney,

Thank you, for putting up with my sh** on a daily basis. 
Thank you, for listening to my moaning and also, for listening to my crazy crush stories. 
Thank you for lending your ear to me when I need someone to talk to. 
Thank you for giving me your shoulder to cry on, when I've lost someone close to me, or fallen out of love.
Thank you for encouraging me to be a better me.
Thank you for being so smart, and inspiring.
Thank you for helping me to not give up when I've wanted to.
Thank you for using the 'hands over the head' emoji, it never fails to make me giggle, even when I'm in a pretty bad mood.
Thank you for agreeing to come on crazy shopping adventures, and standing in the queue grinning, rather than looking mortified in TKMAXX when I found a Michael Kors cobalt blue iPad case, and came screaming over from the other side of the store.
I'm glad I've managed to change your mind about Zodiac Signs, even if we both know, we're just messing about, and whilst some can be scarily accurate, neither of us know whether to fully believe it or not.
Thank you for sharing your life with me, and thank you for being there for 6 years of friendship, and for the friendship that I know we'll always have. 
I can't wait for us to both be in stable jobs, happy marriages, toasting to the years that have gone by.

Dear Best Friend, thank you, for being you!

Your bestie,
post signature

Tuesday, 21 April 2015


Yep. I spent all my bonus bond in 2 hours. I think that's a world record ladies and gentlemen.

I ordered lots of clothes for Summer and a jacket for winter, plus 2 games for the GameCube I finally tracked down! I ordered a game I had as a child and LOVED playing mulitplayer with friends on, we could spend HOURS on it: James Bond Agent Under Fire, and Super Smash Bros, which I tested this evening after receiving it in the post, and it DOESN'T WORK! I am so mad that the company I purchased it from didn't even bother to check it worked! So I have to take a trip to return it more quickly than returning it by mail. I'm pretty annoyed by this. However I'm hoping to get a refund in person soon, and get a replacement ordered ASAP.
If you'd like to see a haul in photos, please let me know. Or if you'd prefer a YouTube video, just let me know. I personally don't like mixed hauls on YouTube, I like hauls for different stores, such as Primark hauls, or River Island hauls, but I dislike mixed hauls, so I think I'd be happier posting photos, since I don't have enough of each thing from each store to post individual video hauls.

Plus, I haven't had a phone since Thursday. I wasn't going to make a big fuss here, but it's been driving me up the wall. I've been stressed and agitated (I even paid a fiver for a PAYG sim with the previous network I was on) as my new network screwed up the porting process and are not fixing it, nor are they allowing me to have a PAC code to leave. I have written a formal complaint and will be contacting the official ombudsmen about this, if you need to know a company name, check my Twitter.

Other than being mega stressed about that, and upcoming exams, I am okay. I am genuinely, okay. I am surviving.

As far as love is concerned, my feelings haven't changed. I'm a shy person when it comes to true love though. I've never been able to tell someone (other than when I was eleven) that I liked someone. And that was just a crush. I recently wrote anonymously somewhere:

"I think I am a loveaholic. I love the concept of love, but I'm too terrified by my own lack of self confidence that I don't allow others to get close enough to fall in love with me. I need someone to bring these walls down, where it is just me and that person. I'm not perfect, I've been through a lot, but I can offer so much, and I know, I can love unconditionally for all of time."

Confessions night it is. Apparently some of my most inward thoughts are coming out. Emotional leakage.

post signature

Sunday, 19 April 2015


Okay, so this is kind of a personal, woman to woman post (if you're a guy, you have every right to read this, it might help you understand us women better, or you may feel the need to not bother, it's down to personal preference in this instance) But yes onto the point of this post.
Whenever someone says 'poly' anything, I hate hearing it. As a woman who has extremely painful 'that time of the months' I have always been a 'curl up in a ball, eat chocolate and get out of my face' kind of person. Lovely, and charming I know.
So when I was sixteen, shortly after my grandma died (Autumn/Winter 2011) I had decided enough was enough and something had to be wrong. Whilst others I knew suffered with pain, it didn't appear to be to the extreme to which I seemed to be suffering. So at the age of sixteen, I ended up at the maternity section of the hospital, amongst mothers to be, and recent mothers. At sixteen, I felt incredibly self conscious being in that room, because I wasn't pregnant, nor was I considering having children, so I didn't feel right being there.
I went and had one of those delightful (extra sarcasm) stomach scans with jelly, and was told "we're just moving your stomach out of the way to get to your ovaries." (Erm, thanks think I might need a barf bag after that, nurse....)
And then the news. The P word. Poly cystic Ovaries. I don't have the syndrome, but I have little cysts delightfully dotted all over my ovaries. 
I've been told before that it's probably not the best thing to talk about, and that some men probably won't want to marry me if they know immediately that I am not in essence, a 100% perfect woman.
It's not like I don't function properly, hell, I do. I got it going! Polycystic ovaries mean you can get a wide range of varying issues, for me, my only issues are a maintained weight, meaning I find it extremely difficult to lose weight, and have remained either a stable weight, or put on weight for the last 6 years, and very bad pain at that time of the month.
There is no treatment for the condition, except the use of the Pill, for which I had a hormone patch called Evra, for 2 years, but although I do not want children at this stage, and may never want children, I came off because 1) it can affect fertility, and 2) it was resulting in really worse acne. I usually have pretty good skin, but my face was worsening due to the effects of the hormones in the patch, and it wasn't a heck of a lot better with the patch on, so I removed it this past week, and so far, I do not regret the decision. It was a pain fiddling with it, trying to put it somewhere that people couldn't see it.
Girls, chocolate is like the anti Christ! It demands to be eaten, and then rewards you with acne and extra weight! That conceited little.....
PS girls lets not forget the urge to put hella rad old school music on from our 'badass' days and imagine kicking some serious butt....
Plus when it's that time of the month, and you don't want to offend anyone, but then they keep pushing your buttons, and you try your hardest not to lose it and flip biscuits.
On top of that, if we're not listening to heavy music, we're listening to emotive, sad, but beautiful music, like "Dear President" by P!nk, or "True Love" by P!nk.
And then when we're not busy imagining kicking butt, we're putting on big glassy eyes for our boyfriend/sibling/parent to encourage them to give back the chocolate that they've hidden for our own good...
Anyway, so I hope this post has been a bit insightful. Don't forget, if you suffer pretty badly, and you think something is abnormal, go to the doctors. You can't afford to risk it if something isn't right.
Lots of love, 
post signature

Monday, 6 April 2015


It's been so glorious in sunny England today. Absolutely beautiful. 

I feel like after a week, I am ready to go back to college, but we have another week to go! That's a good thing though as I haven't done nearly enough revision, and I am well aware of that. Tomorrow I'll be sunbathing whilst revising on my sun lounger and listening to some jamming Summer tunes!

I also arranged a really exciting event for the 4th July when we've all finished exams in my friendship group, (and on Alastair's birthday!) to go to a water park where we live because I haven't been in years, and I am SO EXCITED. I need to carry on working on my bikini bod of course, but I hope to be in a bikini come then going down flumes in a  rubber ring haha! I can't wait, people I haven't seen since they've gone to university are going to be there, and I cannot wait to see everyone. I always arrange these things so far in advance, but it's probably best because it gurantees people can book it in their diaries early (yes I'm an early planner! ^.^) And two of my other male friends (Ben) and another guy I used to study Environmental Studies with is coming, and we are all so happy to be being reunited as I miss them all so much! And hopefully the lovely people I met in the year I studied IB (2012) will be coming too, so it'll be amazing to see them all again. Either way, I'm hoping it's going to be a big event. *clings glass*

I'm just so happy at the moment. In every way possible. Listening to Summer(y) music is really helping keep me in the best mood possible too, songs like Cover Drive Twilight, and Cover Drive Lick Ya Down. They're just amazing songs with typically Caribbean beats.

Have I ever mentioned I've been to Barbados three times? Well I have, and I love the beats, and steel drums, aaaaah memories! *glassy eyes*

Apparently I was such a poser hahaha.
I keep having such strange dreams too.... it's really odd. I haven't dreamt this much in years!

Anyway, have a glorious sunny evening, 

post signature

Saturday, 4 April 2015


So today, I managed to only get an hour of revision done (sadly I wasn't able to concentrate any more) but I did manage to get my head around the concepts behind some major agricultural stuff - meh. Thankfully, I managed to get some English homework done yesterday too, so that's now out of the way.
As well as that, I cleaned the house from top to bottom (missing a few spots as mum has sprawled her paperwork over several areas of the house!) and also been cleaning up my Instagram account. I'm trying to make it less 'poor quality, bland photos' and more 'va-va-voom blogger' style. I guess my major inspiration for this change is Gabriella Lindley (@velvetgh0st) and her instagram account, it looks gorgeous! So, I've been working on improving mine, taking better shots that are less amateur, and giving them white backgrounds for a professional effect.
So far, I am pleased with the slow transormation. I'm sad that the emoji's don't show up on the computer though :( And yes, my joke name is 'Mermaid Princess' on Instagram now. *all hail mermaid princess*
And woo, I have 279 followers, woo! *party poppers everywhere*
Did you catch Gogglebox last night? I did, it was funny as always, but not as good as some of the others. Again, Steph and Dom seemed to rule the show (That's a good thing) but I feel there wasn't enough June and Leon last night!
And of course, I've been having a good dance around the house!
As for today's music choice, I'm just listening to some older music again, and this one is particularly beautiful, and I can relate to it to some degree:
Avicii ft Adele - Addicted To You.
"I don't know just how it happened,
I let down my guard...
Swore I'd never fall in love again
But I fell hard.

Guess I should have seen it coming,
Caught me by surprise...
I wasn't looking where I was going,
I fell into your eyes.

You came into my crazy world like a cool and cleansing wave.
Before I, I knew what hit me baby you were flowing through my veins...

I'm addicted to you,
Hooked on your love,
Like a powerful drug
I can't get enough of,
Lost in your eyes,
Drowning in blue
Out of control,
What can I do?
I'm addicted to you!

Midnight blows in through the window,
Dances round the room...
Got me hypnotized,
I'm getting high on the perfume.

I couldn't live without you now,
Oh, I know I'd go insane,
I wouldn't last one night alone baby,
I couldn't stand the pain!

I'm addicted to you!

Hooked on your love,
Like a powerful drug
I can't get enough of,
Lost in your eyes,
Drowning in blue
Out of control,
What can I do?
I'm addicted to you!"

And another that I'm listening to again is:

"We're a thousand miles from comfort, we have traveled land and sea
But as long as you are with me, there's no place I'd rather be
I would wait forever, exalted in the scene
As long as I am with you, my heart continues to beat

"With every step we take, Kyoto to The Bay
Strolling so casually
We're different and the same, get you another name
Switch up the batteries

If you gave me a chance I would take it
It's a shot in the dark but I'll make it
Know with all of your heart, you can't shake me
When I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be
N-n-n-no, no, no, no place I'd rather be 

We staked out on a mission to find our inner peace
Make it everlasting so nothing's incomplete
It's easy being with you, sacred simplicity
As long as we're together, there's no place I'd rather be

When I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be

Hmmmmmmmmmm, hoooooooooo
Yeah-e-yeah-e-yeah-e-yeah-e-yeah, yeah, yeah

When I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be"

Anyway, I just wanted to say an advanced Happy Easter! Have a lovely time, find lots of eggs, do whatever it is that makes you happy, and know that I love you lots! 
"I haven't given up on love. I haven't given up on hope. That one day, some day, it'll work."
Best Wishes,
post signature

Wednesday, 1 April 2015


Hello beautiful. 

My new video is live on YouTube! It's a March Favourites video, and I'll admit, this is fast paced so it's quite a quick one, but hopefully still enjoyable!

Click the image below to go straight to the video!

Please leave a like, and I'll speak to you soon!

Lots of love,
post signature

This site uses cookies from Google to deliver its services - Click here for information.

Blogger Template Created by pipdig