THE SELF CONSCIOUS VS THE GIRL // IN AT THE DEEP END.
Well, what an interesting morning. I was up at 7.15am to go to the swimming pool, I got there at 8.30, and stayed for half an hour, and did 50 lengths.
The slimmer swimmer me is making a comeback!!
God, I've missed this feeling, this complete, and utter freedom, the ability to breathe properly again. I haven't swum like that in far too long, and for weeks now, it's all I've wanted to do, so since this morning is my morning off college (as favourite lesson isn't until 3pm) I decided to plunge into the cool blue pool and get swimming. And oh my was it wonderful. I did have to fight the feelings of complete self consciousness as I am very nervous about being seen in a bikini (as a woman with a shapely stature - in the politest way possible to myself) Plus, I've been going without foundation, bronzer and powder for three days now (and without mascara yesterday) and my skin is so much healthier for it, and I've made it a permanent change. I'm also cutting down on mascara, because it terrifies me to think, that if I did find someone who loved me, he would think I was 'ugly' or 'unattractive' without makeup, so I'd rather people saw me as a much more naturally made up version of myself, so there are no big shocks when it comes to taking off the makeup for the sake of love.
"Be brave, be fierce, be fabulous, be YOU."
So I popped to Waitrose afterwards to grab two Innocent smoothies with hats (yes it's the Big Knit time of year!) and enjoyed the banana and passion fruit (I think that's what it was anyway) smoothie whilst standing in the rain for a bus. Ran some errands before coming home, for a gorgeous hot shower (do you ever just sit in the bath/shower tray and just enjoy the shower? I did this all the time as a child after swimming 50-100 lengths in an hour at the pool when I did professional swimming, and today, I just felt like that was all I wanted in the world, so I just stayed in the shower tray, enjoying the warmth and washing my hair, which I never do at the pool) And is it just me, or does anyone else feel incredibly embarassed when waiting for a spare shower, as there are middle aged women, completely and utterly butt naked, just showering like we're running out of water, and you just stand there, wondering if they even know you're freezing waiting around in your costume? Hahaha, please, I hope this isn't just me!
So, to all you who are body conscious, don't be, you're beautiful, and you should do what makes you happy! I know I haven't felt this alive in YEARS. I'll definitely be making this a weekly venture!!
So, to all of you beautiful readers of this here blog, have a truly, lovely, magical day.