Thursday, 12 February 2015


It's strange how far your mindset can come in a matter of months. 
When I started my YouTube channel in September 2013, I had many aspects of myself that I hated, and as a result, was very shy, and quite introverted on my channel. All you have to do is see my first video (cringe) to see how shy I really was. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. It could be put  down to age, or it could be put down to mindset, but personally I think both attributed to the way I was. And because I want to be able to show how I've changed since I started my YouTube journey, and how I've come out of my shell (which was the reason I started my channel as I've said many times before, I lost myself, and it was a way to find myself again, and the confidence it gave me on screen, gave me confidence in person again)
This was the screenshot from my second video!

Late 2013 - I was really happy with life for some reason, and my whole image really reflected that.
A screenshot taken from the HUGE SPRING Primark Haul video 2014, which I think is still to this day my most liked Primark haul. I had the most fun filming this one, and of course, had the pink dip dye at this stage. I do actually miss the candy floss pink!
Summer 2014.

Late 2014 (December I think) when I had blue hair and was channelling inner mermaid!

The dress that helped reassure me that my arms aren't as awful as I thought! Image taken from my Winter OOTD on YouTube.
I also mentioned in a couple of videos just how much I hated my upper arms. For some people, they hate their thighs (yep I admittedly still don't like mine!) or other areas, but for me, my great big hate was my upper arms. It's strange, but I've overcome this as an obstacle, and learnt that I don't in fact hate them, I can live quite happily with them just how they are. (Odd, I know, but it's honesty). I think the reason I learnt to overcome this hate was by putting myself slightly out of my comfort zone. I started wearing my cornflower blue River Island cut out upper arm/shoulder dress, and I learnt, I don't look revolting in things like this! It gave me the courage to buy other similar items, and I recently bought a grey marl version top, and I feel probably more confident in it that than a lot of my other clothes funnily enough! I do still have issues with hating other parts of my body, but I know that with time, I'll learnt to accept them, just like I have in this instance.
 It proves it, all your worries, all your fears, all your inhibitions, they're all just in your mind. If you can let go of them, you can be so much happier.
Me - the author of this blog today.
The truth is, you can't hate yourself forever, because if you do, no-one else will be able to love you. You have to be able to accept you as you are, you've got yourself for life (it's a lonely and possibly perturbing thought, but it's true, and you are what attracts others to you, afterall, no man is an island) so accepting you as you are, is what's going to make others be able to better understand you and accept you as you are too.
I hope this makes some sense, I thought saying my thoughts aloud was hard enough, but stringing together a comprehensible post about this has been pretty tough to be able to word it in such a way that it perfectly matches what is in my head.
And again, because this song, it's lyrics, everything, mean so much to me, and also, because I have really fallen for someone, and whenever I see him, I can't calm my heart down! (I know, I never, ever share my lovelife here, I just, felt like, I wanted to write it down for once!) Yes, foolish, honest feelings, similar to my first true love, which as I have said before, was the only real love I had ever felt for a man, and the longest.
Ellie Goulding - Love Me Like You Do.
Have a beautiful day, filled with love, and happiness.
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