Thursday, 26 February 2015


Well, what an interesting morning. I was up at 7.15am to go to the swimming pool, I got there at 8.30, and stayed for half an hour, and did 50 lengths. 

The slimmer swimmer me is  making a comeback!! 

God, I've missed this feeling, this complete, and utter freedom, the ability to breathe properly again. I haven't swum like that in far too long, and for weeks now, it's all I've wanted to do, so since this morning is my morning off college (as favourite lesson isn't until 3pm) I decided to plunge into the cool blue pool and get swimming. And oh my was it wonderful. I did have to fight the feelings of complete self consciousness as I am very nervous about being seen in a bikini (as a woman with a shapely stature - in the politest way possible to myself) Plus, I've been going without foundation, bronzer and powder for three days now (and without mascara yesterday) and my skin is so much healthier for it, and I've made it a permanent change. I'm also cutting down on mascara, because it terrifies me to think, that if I did find someone who loved me, he would think I was 'ugly' or 'unattractive' without makeup, so I'd rather people saw me as a much more naturally made up version of myself, so there are no big shocks when it comes to taking off the makeup for the sake of love. 

"Be brave, be fierce, be fabulous, be YOU."

So I popped to Waitrose afterwards to grab two Innocent smoothies with hats (yes it's the Big Knit time of year!) and enjoyed the banana and passion fruit (I think that's what it was anyway) smoothie whilst standing in the rain for a bus. Ran some errands before coming home, for a gorgeous hot shower (do you ever just sit in the bath/shower tray and just enjoy the shower? I did this all the time as a child after swimming 50-100 lengths in an hour at the pool when I did professional swimming, and today, I just felt like that was all I wanted in the world, so I just stayed in the shower tray, enjoying the warmth and washing my hair, which I never do at the pool) And is it just me, or does anyone else feel incredibly embarassed when waiting for a spare shower, as there are middle aged women, completely and utterly butt naked, just showering like we're running out of water, and you just stand there, wondering if they even know you're freezing waiting around in your costume? Hahaha, please, I hope this isn't just me! 

So, to all you who are body conscious, don't be, you're beautiful, and you should do what makes you happy! I know I haven't felt this alive in YEARS. I'll definitely be making this a weekly venture!!

So, to all of you beautiful readers of this here blog, have a truly, lovely, magical day.

I See Fire - Ed Sheeran (Kygo Remix)

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Thursday, 19 February 2015


*sigh* - yes, I do actually sigh a lot shamefully, I find myself sighing in public, such as on a bus when I'm listening to quite reflective music, and then realising I've sighed quite loudly, and hiding myself in my seat for the rest of the journey!

I've been really, very anxious recently. It always happens at this time of year, when you are working through revision, and you keep panicking "I can't do this!" ... and ... "I'm not smart enough!" ... and my personal favourite ... "There isn't enough time!" And as a result, you just degrade into a small, rounded heap that is filled with negativity, and permanently on edge. Thankfully, I've been coping better recently with these feelings, through drinking lots of water, drinking earl grey tea, and breathing. I can't say how important it is when you're getting overwhelmed to just say "Stop" to yourself, temporarily blank your mind, and BREATHE

It's okay. You ARE going to be fine. You're just working yourself into a state of panic, and what's more, that's actually holding you back. 

So just keep calm, and as Captain Haddock (If you don't know who this is, I'd advise reading or watching, The Adventures of Tintin!) says, "When you hit a wall, you push through it." And it's true in every sense of the quote.

Yesterday was a day off from revision, as my mum and I went to a 100th birthday party of a lovely lady that we've known since I was a toddler! 

The party was lovely, and it was so nice to meet all of her relatives, and friends... and I got a gold balloon, so I was pretty happy.

Afterwards, we really didn't feel like going straight home (we were all dressed up, both wearing heels, and oh my word, did my feet hurt!!) but we decided we'd go somewhere local and have a hot drink, and of course, I had a luxe hot chocolate. Why? Because you can have tea at home. When you're out, luxe all the way!

Anyway, that's even rambling for today. I've chosen a piece of music that got me through revising last year to share with you today, it is:

The Lord Of The Rings - The Hobbits Theme.

This music is stunning, and whilst I've tried to sit through the entire of The Lord Of The Rings, I can't, it's just too gory, and I can't deal with that. I did see all three 'The Hobbit' films (yes even the gory 'Battle of the five armies') and loved them all, maybe I just don't have the patience for LOTR, but I do love the music, don't get me wrong, and the whole annoying as heck "They're taking the hobbits to Isengard' YouTube joke, is quite amusing, any more than once though and you want to throw your computer out of the window... 

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Late edit: If you need something to get you back up again and carry on, this is it:
Blue - I Can.

Saturday, 14 February 2015


So, it's time for Part 2. I have pre-written this (a few minutes after writing the first part, as I find my passion is strongest at certain times, and I wanted the second instalment to be filled with the same passion that the first was!)

VALENTINES DAY EDIT: Happy Valentines Day everyone! As I just mentioned, I wrote this post the day before Valentines, so today I'm just going to add this in and say have a lovely day, each and every one of you! Lots of love! The postman delivered me three goodies this morning, here they are at last!

There are three films that I wasn't able to cover as childhood favourites in the first instalment as I didn't want to completely and utterly over-write (which my English teachers would agree I have a tendency to do, so this is in my own way, my way of showing them both that I do listen and take note of the advice they give me!) 
I recently acquired the O Ring for Oliver & Company (The O Ring is the shiny slipcover/sleeve that slips over the DVD) and I'm so pleased with it, because it was the last I needed to fill up the bottom shelf of O Rings.
The first is The Fox & The Hound which for me, was such a huge part of my childhood. The one scene that always stays in my mind is the moment where Widow Tweed has to leave Tod in the wood, and her last turn to see Tod's confused face, with the tears streaming down her cheeks... oh my word. That never fails to make me well up, and when I'm having a really emotional day, I'm just a streaming with tear-faced mess. Honestly, that scene!

The next film that I have strong memories of, is Tarzan. I remember when I was about six or seven, going around to our neighbour's house, (Not Val, this was before Val moved to the other house!) and whilst mum and our neighbour talked, she put on Tarzan for me to watch quietly. It's so odd how certain films, certain things can make you return to places, because whenever I see Tarzan now, I can smell the house, feel the beautiful smooth pine floorboards beneath my feet, and feel the same wonder and amazement as I heard the Tarzan soundtrack for the first time.

Now I can say this is definitely my favourite song from the film, I just love the flow of this piece of music, and the sentiment, as it gives me flashbacks to the early scenes of Tarzan, which I remember fondly.

Next up, is Brother Bear. There really are no personal reasons for why I love this film so much, except for the fact, that my love for it has grown stronger in later years. It's the central theme that people don't just 'die'. They still lead us, and guide us through our lives, and that's what has made me love this film even more. 

I always loved this film as a child, but it became even more highly regarded in later years. My favourite piece of music from Brother Bear is this one as it makes my heart feel warm, it's the sort of film you want to snuggle up with:

Of course, this beautiful piece of music also features Phil Collins (Yes, I love his music, and his voice! I'm a woman who loves strong/unique/beautiful voices) PS. Who doesn't love Rutt and Tuke? Moose forever!

Next up is Frozen.... I don't need to say more. The hype is real, and genuine. This film is beautiful, and whilst again, I can't truly relate to it (being sibling-less!) I can still understand and appreciate it, as it's genuinely one of Disney's best creations. Plus, I can relate to 'Let It Go', and I'm not even going to say why, you all can guess why, it's pretty self explanatory from what I've told you all about me. And whilst Olaf's whole design freaks me out a little (because the whole shape, and talking snowman thing is odd unless it's 'The Snowman') I love his sentiment and wishing for Summer. 

Another film I COULD NOT leave off of this list is.....


Yes, this film is breathtaking. If there was one film I'd say is worth seeing, and would make you tear up, it'd be Brave. The family ties, the scenery (hello glorious Scotland, ya wee beauty) and just everything is sheer perfection. 

The close bond between mother and daughter closely resembles the bond that my mother and I share.

And if the end doesn't make you cry, you're not human. Okay? I'm just kidding, but seriously, the feels are strong with this one.

And lastly? Lastly? Oh yeah, you guessed it.... BIG HERO 6. I don't want to spoil this for people who haven't seen it yet or are waiting for it to come out on DVD/Blu Ray, so I won't tell you the storyline, but I will just say I can relate to this film again, and I just love, love, love everything about it. It's just heaven. And getting to be a superhero? Who else would be one if they could? Yes please! And having a super cuddly Baymax to give you 'warm hugs'? (Olaf reference, sorry!) YES.


"They say we are what we are

But we don’t have to be

I’m bad behavior but I do it in the best way
I’ll be the watcher (watcher) of the eternal flame
I’ll be the guard dog of all your fever dreams

'Cause we could be immortals, immortals
Just not for long, for long
And if we meet forever now, pull the blackout curtains down
Just not for long, for long
We could be immortals, immortals, immortals, immortals
Sometimes the only payoff for having any faith
Is when it’s tested again and again everyday
I’m still comparing your past to my future
It might be your wound, but they’re my sutures"


Okay, so whilst I do enjoy other Disney films (yes, I've left out a lot of classics, like The Little Mermaid etc, and Wreck It Ralf) these are the ones that particularly mean something to me, or I just enjoyed more than the others. 

Anyway, so that's the entirety of this post. I do hope you've enjoyed this list, and learning the reasons why I relate to specific Disney films so much, and I hope it's been somewhat interesting to read. You all deserve big snuggly hugs for reading this!

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Friday, 13 February 2015


*Warning - this post is lengthy, and as it goes on, there are some personal, and sensitive revelations*

It's time for me to finally write about my favourite Disney movies. I've put off writing this post, as it's something that not everyone will particularly want to read, or it isn't really their cup of tea! (I'm writing this whilst listening to my favourite music from Disney movies - which I'll get onto later - and my mum watches Inspector Montalbano, which I haven't felt like watching lately, as I just cannot focus on the subtitles for long amounts of time, my eyes don't like it!)

Yes, this is my Disney collection, at long last, a photo of it, taken from my Instagram - it's a bit fuller since a few more DVDs and O Rings have arrived.
The first favourites of mine are the films which give me serious reminiscence. Specifically, these ones were when I was really small.
Firstly, The Aristocats just hits me in the feels (a seriously odd expression I've picked up from the internet) this film is hilarious, as well as being a huge reason why I love cats so much (I swear to God I'm not a seriously crazy cat lady, don't get me wrong, whilst I've been very nervous of dogs for quite a few years, I've got so much better in the last three years, as our neighbour Val has a great big cuddly black Labrador called Inky, so I've gotten a lot more relaxed around dogs!) One of the film's funniest moments is the part with Napoleon and Lafayette:

My other favourite part is OF COURSE, the song "Everybody Wants To Be A Cat - The Aristocats."

Oh man, the feels!

Okay, moving on.... 
My next favourite has to be a film I watched late this afternoon, which is... 101 Dalmatians. I just loved the beautiful comparisons between Roger and Anita, and Pongo and Purdita. 

Disney, teaching us what love is since 1937.

Another couple of films that I adore are Oliver & Company (again, from when I was really small!)

The Lion King (Oh my word, just hearing some of the music can change my mood instantly), the song I'm listening to tonight is:

Can You Feel The Love Tonight - The Lion King.

And quite frankly, I love this song.

Another important film for me is Mulan (teaching us that we can be brave).

And then there's:
 Lilo & Stitch (of course, I wasn't just going to leave my favourite little blue one out!!!)

Treasure Planet (oh man, this is really, really hard to say why I relate to this film so much, but it's about time I did...) To summarise this, Jim's father walks out on him and his mother when Jim was small, and whilst my father was never really there at all in my life, at a young age, it did feel like abandonment, (OKAY, I NEVER SAID I HADN'T HAD ISSUES) and as a child, it really tore me apart. It was around the age of 13, that I really came to terms, finally, with the fact that everything would be okay without a father, with just the one parent, who loved me just as much as two would, and the idea that Silver (in Treasure Planet) almost adopted Jim, and gave Jim the fatherly guidance that he had needed (and for a while in my life, I had a figure just like this, and who even closely resembled Silver, just not a cyborg, obviously... Well, this figure did something terrible to my family, and had to be cut out of our lives, and it was like having to deal with a sudden loss again. They do say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and it's true. I've seen this person locally, and they haven't recognised me (thank God) but it's a weird cross of bitterness and resentment, that I'm only just starting to rid myself of. But anyway, now you know why I relate to Treasure Planet so much.... (Sorry I probably over shared, it's just the truth, and I've only recently told my mum why I can relate to the film so much)

The song from Treasure Planet that I'm going to share, because I most related to it is:

I'm Still Here - Treasure Planet.

I warn you, it's very heartbreaking, but also beautiful. It related to the childhood me in so many ways, and looking back, it's astounding, because I'm a completely different person, but I can thank the tribulations as they are what I believe made me who I am.

"And I want a moment to be real,

Wanna touch things I don't feel,

Wanna hold on and feel I belong.

And how can the world want me to change?

They’re the ones that stay the same.
They don’t know me,
'Cause I’m not here."

There will be a second, and maybe even a third part to this post in the future, but for now, I really need to draw this particular post to a close. 

All I can say, before I end this particular post is, I am grateful to be where I am, to be with the people I am with now, and whilst I'll always remember the emotions I felt from hearing 'I'm Still Here', it doesn't capture the woman I've become, and whilst love is something that means everything to me, I feel differently to love now than I did back then. I'm more content with my life than I have ever been, I'm in love, I'm surrounded by wonderful people, and I feel like I know where I am going. All those years wishing I would grow up, and be someone that people would want to be like, and even look up to, and now, I'm the woman that I always wanted to be. Keep aiming for the moon, because even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Thank you for being you.

All my love,
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Thursday, 12 February 2015


It's strange how far your mindset can come in a matter of months. 
When I started my YouTube channel in September 2013, I had many aspects of myself that I hated, and as a result, was very shy, and quite introverted on my channel. All you have to do is see my first video (cringe) to see how shy I really was. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. It could be put  down to age, or it could be put down to mindset, but personally I think both attributed to the way I was. And because I want to be able to show how I've changed since I started my YouTube journey, and how I've come out of my shell (which was the reason I started my channel as I've said many times before, I lost myself, and it was a way to find myself again, and the confidence it gave me on screen, gave me confidence in person again)
This was the screenshot from my second video!

Late 2013 - I was really happy with life for some reason, and my whole image really reflected that.
A screenshot taken from the HUGE SPRING Primark Haul video 2014, which I think is still to this day my most liked Primark haul. I had the most fun filming this one, and of course, had the pink dip dye at this stage. I do actually miss the candy floss pink!
Summer 2014.

Late 2014 (December I think) when I had blue hair and was channelling inner mermaid!

The dress that helped reassure me that my arms aren't as awful as I thought! Image taken from my Winter OOTD on YouTube.
I also mentioned in a couple of videos just how much I hated my upper arms. For some people, they hate their thighs (yep I admittedly still don't like mine!) or other areas, but for me, my great big hate was my upper arms. It's strange, but I've overcome this as an obstacle, and learnt that I don't in fact hate them, I can live quite happily with them just how they are. (Odd, I know, but it's honesty). I think the reason I learnt to overcome this hate was by putting myself slightly out of my comfort zone. I started wearing my cornflower blue River Island cut out upper arm/shoulder dress, and I learnt, I don't look revolting in things like this! It gave me the courage to buy other similar items, and I recently bought a grey marl version top, and I feel probably more confident in it that than a lot of my other clothes funnily enough! I do still have issues with hating other parts of my body, but I know that with time, I'll learnt to accept them, just like I have in this instance.
 It proves it, all your worries, all your fears, all your inhibitions, they're all just in your mind. If you can let go of them, you can be so much happier.
Me - the author of this blog today.
The truth is, you can't hate yourself forever, because if you do, no-one else will be able to love you. You have to be able to accept you as you are, you've got yourself for life (it's a lonely and possibly perturbing thought, but it's true, and you are what attracts others to you, afterall, no man is an island) so accepting you as you are, is what's going to make others be able to better understand you and accept you as you are too.
I hope this makes some sense, I thought saying my thoughts aloud was hard enough, but stringing together a comprehensible post about this has been pretty tough to be able to word it in such a way that it perfectly matches what is in my head.
And again, because this song, it's lyrics, everything, mean so much to me, and also, because I have really fallen for someone, and whenever I see him, I can't calm my heart down! (I know, I never, ever share my lovelife here, I just, felt like, I wanted to write it down for once!) Yes, foolish, honest feelings, similar to my first true love, which as I have said before, was the only real love I had ever felt for a man, and the longest.
Ellie Goulding - Love Me Like You Do.
Have a beautiful day, filled with love, and happiness.
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Sunday, 1 February 2015


Stock Image.
Today's post has been kindly sponsored by Alibi drinks, who kindly sent me one of each of their delectable drinks for review!
The three drinks arrived in a well packaged cardboard box with a lovely note from Alice at Alibi, letting me know that these drinks were best enjoyed cold, so I of course, refrigerated all of them before sampling.  
Stock Image.
The first drink I tried was the Sparkling Blueberry, this being the only one of the three that I hadn't previously bought myself and enjoyed. The packaging of the drink is refreshingly simple, with an eye grabbing design that is neither 'in your face' nor easily ignorable. 
The colour of the drink surprised me, I was expecting a royal blue colour (possibly due to the packaging and the fact that the drink is blueberry) but the drink poured out a beautiful raspberry red colour that is translucent. The taste is unlike any drink I've ever tried before, it's got the immediate raspberry/strawberry connection, but then a subtle and very welcome blueberry after-taste. Overall, this drink was thoroughly enjoyable, and definitely one that I'd happily purchase in future. 
The second drink was one that I had tried before, and it was the Sparkling Citrus drink. Unfortunately, of the three, this was not as enjoyable as the others. I personally found this drink to be very bitter, without the impression of any added sweetness, however, if you want to be healthy and drink healthy, I personally would imagine this would be the way to do it, although for my taste, it was just too bitter, so I couldn't enjoy it as much as the others. However, I have found the flavour varied on the second one I tried that I had myself purchased, and was slightly more enjoyable, so perhaps the taste is strongly affected by what you've eaten beforehand?
The third drink, which tied with the first, was my favourite, was the Sparkling Pomegranate. Having tried this one before, I knew I'd love it again, and sure enough, it was delightful. With a soft pink raspberry colouring, this drink is subtle, not overpowering, but with enough depth of flavour to leave a lasting impression. Truly, it's softly sparkling texture is a delight to drink, and I would most definitely recommend it to anyone who wanted to try it.
All three drinks are full of natural goodness, and vitamins, and for anyone like myself, who doesn't react well to too much sugar, you'll be pleased to know that these drinks are sweetened with stevia, a plant extract most commonly found in America, but it's prescene is becoming well known in the UK. For more information on Alibi, please visit their website below:

Alibi Drinks.

Frizzy hair alert!!
Anyway, if you haven't tried these wonderful drinks, then they're worth a try! 

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*The drinks were sent to me free of charge for review by Alibi Drinks Co. All reviews, and opinions are my own, and are not influenced by external companies.*

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