Monday, 20 October 2014

I'VE FOUND MYSELF AGAIN // PEACE & TRANQUILLITY.


Do you ever feel like, for the first time in your life, you are completely happy, and completely comfortable with where you are in your life? That you know you're walking the right path, and that despite the obstacles, you have made the correct decisions in your life?
Well, for some reason, for months now, I've been feeling this way. I've been feeling complete again.

I swore that I'd never fully discuss what I'd been through here, but since I covered a lot of it in my YouTube video (here), I felt like it was time for me to talk about my life.


Yes, losing my grandma was the most soul destroying thing that ever happened to me. I honestly wished at the time I could've died with her, because I felt like I lost a part of me when she died, and it felt like it had died with her, and I had honestly started believe that it had. 3 years later, here I am, a completely different person, stronger, more knowledgeable and more peaceful.
I thought I'd never come to terms with her death, and honestly, spiralling down into an illness I felt entrapped in, unable to escape, I felt like I had lost my freedom. I lost my independence, my spirit, and most importantly, my heart.
 
All images from Tumblr.

But now, 3 years on, I have found myself again. I've rebuilt myself, and I'm happy. I'm not so body conscious, so terrified of what people will think of me, and I can safely say, my health has been wonderful again. It's strange, but I've become more confident, and I feel like I've been reborn. Literally. Like shackles have been undone around my heart. To say how my heart had felt, would be trying to put a thousand indescribable feelings onto one blog post, and it would be hard, but truthfully, it felt bore down, beaten and empty.


I've found new meaning in my life, and I feel blessed. (I'm not becoming all religious, no, so please don't take this as a religious preach - it isn't, and before anyone thinks perhaps this is offensive, then I promise you it isn't intended to be, and apologise if anyone takes this as offensive, I'm not religious and never have been, but fully, and utterly believe in everyone having a right to their own beliefs) I believe I am well because I started thinking differently. I started believing in myself again. I don't know how. I don't know why. I just did. It took a lot to find myself, and I went through some strange phases to find me, but here I am, out the other side.

Just remember:

Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace.
~ Buddha.


P.S I wanted to link you to this music, it has always had a deep resonance with me, and despite it's strange origins, it is deeply peaceful, the same as the Phenac City music, and it brings me so many happy memories:

Relic Forest Soundtrack.

Love,
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